Absurd Britain

18th March 2022 / United Kingdom
Absurd Britain

By TruePublica Editor: Living in Britain today is like working in a corner shop where your manager is an idiot, the stocktaker is dyslexic and the cleaner a thief. In the end, the chaos just becomes normal, you give up and just turn up each day because you have to. I’ll explain.

It wasn’t too many days ago that we heard Liz Truss supporting the idea that Britons can don their GAP cargo-style combat jeans and go give those pesky Russian soldiers a bloody nose for attacking Ukraine. Then we found out that it wasn’t such a great idea when, her own department, the Foreign Office, confirmed that Britons who travel to Ukraine to fight in the conflict could be prosecuted. Not that any of that small detail was going to stop Ben from Leamington Spa from having a proper go.

Ben bravely navigated his way to Ukraine only to find it was a bit cold and had no beds. Worse still, he was feeling increasingly “vulnerable” as air raid sirens went off. He was also threatened by someone (own side) with a gun. On the fifth day – Ben got ‘real grief’ from his wife, decided the caper was a bit of a ‘suicide mission’ before promptly flying back to the UK.

Then, just as you thought things in the UK could not get more comical – up pops Johnson. This time, Rachel Johnson was on LBC radio. She agreed live on-air with a caller that putting a price on Putin’s head would ‘not be a bad idea’. This is the sister of the current UK Prime Minister. Perhaps she forgot who she is – or he is – or both!

Whilst in the realms of Boris Johnson and the absurd, something head-scratchingly ludicrous is happening to my country of birth, which not too many years ago, used to be quite serious about stuff. Unbelievably it appears that we are beyond the stage of debating whether the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is not just beholden to Russian influence, we are now debating the scale of that influence. In years gone by, Britain would normally cuff the guy and offer a few days at Her Majesties pleasure in the Tower of London before being allowed to admit his crimes against the state. We can leave out the head-chopping bit nowadays, of course. Ironically though, Johnson needed to remain sober and keep a clear head on a quick visit to Saudi Arabia with cap in hand for some extra oil supplies, whilst watching the fate of locals there who had colluded with foreign states – and lost theirs.

All this collusion with bad guys is such a revelation for the mainstream media, isn’t it. Or is it? Back in 2013, when David Cameron was head honcho of Drowning Street the Conservatives’ summer fundraiser special guests included Putin’s Judo partner. They even reported it. Also present was a Russian financier wanted in Moscow for £220m bank fraud but who was been granted political asylum in Britain by erm … the Home Office (in those days the HO was pretty quick in handing out visas to people on the run from Russian murderers). Cool eh!

In the meantime, the head of MI6 had concerns about Boris Johnson’s friend Evgeny Lebedev almost a decade ago. Also in 2013, Sir John Sawers repeatedly rejected bids by the KGB agent’s son to meet at MI6 HQ. No10 doesn’t deny PM knew about the incident – mainly because it’s a fact and lying wasn’t the new norm back then. Johnson (allegedly) knew that Lebedev was a Kremlin bad boy but still went to his Italian palace where (allegedly) quite a few Russian goodies were waiting (wink, wink, nudge, nudge – say no more) to be unpacked. One news outlet reported that – “Boris’s host, the son of a wealthy Russian oligarch and former KGB agent, is regarded as a ringmaster of lavish, “outrageous” gatherings. Some of those who have experienced what one guest called Lebedev’s “full Italian experience”  where “nothing is off the menu from the moment you are greeted to the moment you leave”. We can’t work out why Johnson slipped his ministerial bodyguards, hopped on a private jet to attend! Forget about national security. Quick reminder – this is now the British Prime Minister. And we all thought Berlusconi was a comedy character with his Bunga Bunga parties.

Mind you, it’s not all Boris’s fault. His missus is neck-deep in it too. Carrie Johnson was one of the founding members of ‘Conservative Friends of Russia’. For clarity – that’s the British prime Ministers wife in bed with Russian spooks (no accusation, just coining a phrase, of course). As they say, if it talks like a KGB spy, looks like a Kremlin mole and runs like an Oligarch – it’s a national security scandal. Profumo was positively innocent compared to this lot.

Of course, things are very different nowadays. It wasn’t so long ago that Boris was accused of blocking a report on Russian interference in UK elections because of ’embarrassing’ revelations about Kremlin links to Conservative donors. Then another report revealed a surge in donations from Russian-based oligarchs to the Conservative party. Johnson demanded we look the other way – and the mainstream media did. No other democratic leader in human history has ever achieved such a stunt and got away with it. This is what I call world-beating.

Because of all this newfound obsession with keeping the bad guys from affecting our way of life – Russian oligarchs are on the move – mainly to Dubai where the sun shines all day and the authorities look the other way. Back at home in ‘Old Blighty’ – there’s a new treasure hunt game. It’s all so ‘right-on’. This week – it was squatters versus the Metropolitan police in “find that Oligarchs mansion” – and the squatters won until our version of SWAT (smart black threatening uniforms and big shields) turned up. Live on the box we could see the British State bravely defending the kleptocracy from five rather scruffy chaps with hoodies and a banner made of Egypt’s finest cotton bedsheets. A video from the aforementioned anti-establishment yobs (now arrested) shows just how lavish these mansions are.

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Then, we can see on Skyscanner that Roman Ambrovich has done a runner, first to Israel then onto Moscow via his really expensive private jet, while his super-yacht does a runner from club-Med. It’s amazing to think that Abramovich bought Chelsea FC nearly 20 years ago – but somehow now, we’ve only just discovered what a cad he really is. The Times reports this week that – “Roman Abramovich is said to be suspected of belonging to an organised crime group.” Personally, I didn’t think this was a leap in the dark for the best of British investigative journalism. Abramovich was a mechanic when the USSR fell apart – then his LinkedIn bio changed overnight to ‘Russian oligarch’ just at the time Mr Putin changed his from ‘quite cunning but unheard of KGB spook’ to ‘Nuke Armed Madman in charge of a Superpower.’ It’s no coincidence is it!

I don’t know about you – but who is up for a Government of National Unity whilst Johnson gets investigated for a whole raft of national security reasons? What a troubled cabinet office that would be and so much fun to watch. You can see it now – Raab, Starmer, Davey and those two from the Green Party. But they’d better beware of Russian spying. Remember that £2.6m Downing Street briefing room refit? A firm called Megahertz carried out the crucial work, installing computers, cameras, microphones and a control desk? Megahertz is owned by Okno-TV, which unbeknown to MI5 or anyone with any common sense at all – is based in Moscow. At the time, No10 said they had ‘absolutely’ no security concerns. Well, I bloody well do!

Talking of the world’s big troubles – people have always named their offspring after expensive stuff like Mercedes, Valentino, Yves or Dior. Quite soon, we should see these replaced with other things we can’t afford like Electric, Gas, Petrol or Food. And when it comes to sorting out annual birthday presents, something special – like a tank full of petrol will go down well. Mind you, don’t forget that for every £100 you spend on fuel, £3.00 goes to the garage, almost £40.00 goes to the super greedy fuel manufacturers (BP, Shell) – and a whopping £57 goes in tax to the even greedier chancellor. Somehow, drilling our own oil from our own land, only to hand shed loads to investors (many dubious ones too) and then taxing us into starvation doesn’t seem right to me. That’s a bit like profiting from us when it rains, the sun shines or when the wind blows! Erm…

Brexit is turning into the biggest stage show called ‘A comedy or Errors’ in the history of all comedies and all errors. When Nigel Farage and his jolly little band of Brexit party MEPs were coining it in at the expense of everyone – they decided it was a great idea to vote against stronger EU measures aimed at countering “highly dangerous” Russian disinformation. Fortunately, the EU had more sense and its MEPs decided to crack down on Russian propaganda three years ago. That didn’t stop comrade Faragisky as he was already regularly spouting off his nonsense on Russia Today and coining it in there too – none of which seems to have aged well.

As for Brexit itself – that’s not going well either, is it. The SNP is sticking to its guns and wants to pull the independence trigger at the end of 2023. This is not linked at all to the entire world screaming at Putin that Ukraine should decide its own future. The Northern Ireland protocol is falling to bits as well and its residents are looking to join Ireland and therefore the EU. I’m not sure where the tick box was on the EU referendum ballot paper that said – GB to be constitutionally shattered. But hey – at a cost of hundreds of billions, desperately needed to fund social care, levelling up and all the other promises the government have lied about – it’s all a good wheeze.

On the same subject, Britain’s “festival of Brexit” has just been branded an irresponsible use of £120 million of public money and remains “confusing and obscure” MPs have said. They also said it was being so badly managed and thought out that the event was a “recipe for failure” – a perfect euphemism if ever there was one.

Oh, almost forgot to mention. The global pandemic has just disappeared overnight after the most world-beating trustworthy politician on the planet said we’d beaten it. Phew – thank the lord for that. These viruses can act in unexpected ways – as we found out over the last two and bit years.

In unrelated news – New COVID19 cases in the UK hit a record high this week at 225,000 cases per day and still rising. Scotland is the worst hit but it affects every region. This is all perfect timing just as the government has stopped funding the Zoe Covid study. Good call because in two weeks we’ll be the last to know if Mr Virus decides to change his Delta and Omicron hat to OmiDelta – and really play some Grim Reaper games. Of no surprise to some in the business of saving lives – hospitalisations are rising again (but only by a third in one week, so no need to worry).

Until next week.

Image – The only way to cope right now – don’t take it all too seriously.




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