Weekend – Thought of the week – December Friday 13th

9th November 2019 / United Kingdom
Weekend - Thought of the week - December Friday 13th

TruePublica Editor: I’m not sure Britain really knows what it’s doing any more. It seems to have completely lost its marbles. Take this election. You wake up to find out the result, and it’s Friday the 13th of all days. Historically, this has been considered an unlucky day. For instance, in America, about 20 million people have a real fear for Friday 13th that has actually been calculated to cost the economy $900million. For half of the adult population of Britain – this will definitely be the baddest day of all bad days. National gloom just before Christmas as well.

 

Imagine that Jo “Your next Prime Minister” Swinson’s first dream of dreams actually comes true, and she manages to hold on to her seat. Now imagine her second dream of dreams comes true, and she becomes Prime Minister (WTF I hear you say). So, we now have a prime minister, who’s sitting in a Scottish seat. Because of “English Votes for English Laws’ (called EVEL), we’d have a prime minister who would be in the rather stupid and nonsensical position of not being able to vote on the vast majority of the business, proposals and Bills she puts before the House. And as someone who has recently just pointed to me – she’s either never thought this through, in which case she doesn’t deserve to be PM – or she has thought this through, in which case it’s proof that even she doesn’t believe it’ll happen. It begs the question – why bother?

Reaction from the public if she wins:  Stock up on valium, ask for whatever she’s smoking because it obviously gives feelings of extreme optimism.

 

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Then imagine that Boris Johnson has won the election, secured a decent majority – purged the one-nation moderate Tories and Britain faces a fixed five-year term of Boris (gulp) and his merry band of ultra-mega- right-wing Brexiteers. The Scots now hate us – more than ever. So do the Irish. The Welsh may join them just because. Tax havens all over the world will love us though! We’ll have a government part-funded by the Russian state (best buddies of the Chinese/Iranians/Syrians) whilst handing the keys of the nation over to Donald Trump’s great and fantastic America – ‘the best a man can get – ever’ – who hates all Chinese companies, all Iranians or anything loosely connected to Syrians (like the Kurds for instance). Not to push the point but every day is Christmas in Tax havenry. In the meantime, we’ve ditched our neighbours – who are diplomatically getting on with Russia, America, the Iranians, Syrians and everyone else. That puts Britain in the middle of the two most powerful entities who hate each with a passion and have the biggest nastiest weapons ever… err?

Reaction from the public: Hide the Bordeaux, cook some hormone injected quarter pounders and wash it down with lots and lots and lots of Vodka. Pray lots.

 

Now imagine that Jeremy Corbyn has won (somehow) even though he is currently the most unpopular opposition leader since that other equally handsome chap Michael Foot some 45 years ago. Within six months there will be another referendum on Brexit – that result will probably be reversed. The Daily Mail will call for a public uprising and the return of capital punishment in town centres up and down the land. We’ll have to go back to Michel Barnier and humbly apologise – probably 27 times, compensate the Russians (because we like Salisbury) as their investment plan with the Conservative party didn’t pay dividends and then tell the Don that Britain prefers croissants and Brie not his ‘finger-linkin chlorinated chicken’ after all.

 
Reaction from the public: Apologise to everyone you’ve ever offended over Brexit (yes everyone) – bring out the Bordeaux, hide the Vodka, feed all burgers and chicken thighs to cat.

 
Then, there’s the strong possibility of a hung parliament!! With any one of these results – half the population will want to stay in bed – forever! Will it ever end?

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